a hectic day

so i know how difficult it can be to lock down a therapist, cuz they have busy schedules, don’t always take your insurance, and are not taking on new patients.  thus, i started the search for a therapist for the summer season months ago.  i reached out to a therapist i used to see, she was available, so i stopped looking.  again, this was months ago.  so then, i show up today, and turns out she doesn’t take my insurance anymore, cuz she removed herself from the list of providers for my insurance.  i’m like wut r u srrrs?

she kinda screwed me over.  so i get all anxious about it and start calling previous therapists i’ve had in the area.  i also get online and look up a list of providers in my network.  i start sending out emails in addition to making a few calls.  and i guess it’s good that i prayed about it, cuz i got a ton of responses.  more than i could’ve imagined, so now it’s just about shopping for the right one over phone conversations.

so, a good day.  hectic at first, but surprisingly good to end with.  i think i’m gonna stick with a therapist who is less than a 10 min drive away from the office.

yay! thank you God for providing.  i hope that the therapist you’ve set me up with is a good one 🙂


oops wow, people i’ve totally forgotten about.

i’m gonna keep reminding myself that God’s timing is perfect until something truly perfect happens.

i hastily blogged that “patience is hot” in my last post, cuz i was away from a computer and desperately wanted to get that out there via my iphone.  you can tell when i blog from my phone vs. the computer, cuz my phone will capitalize the first word of every sentence/question.

i actually kind of dislike that i value patience as a desirable trait, because it’s a double-edged sword that means i have to wait.  i tend to get impatient at times, but i know that patience is a virtue.

why is patience such an essential quality in someone?  cuz i think it’s an umbrella term.  with patience comes self-control, wisdom, faithfulness, focus etc.  patience implies a lot more than just waiting around.  in order to wait, you have to practice restraint, keep the dream alive over a long duration of time, and sacrifice your own pleasure for someone else’s.  patience is also respectful to God and is trusting in God’s plan and timing.

so again, i don’t always like that patience is so important…but in a real, adult, grown-up relationship, patience is key.


my sexuality: how i know i’m bisexual and not straight or lesbian

i’m just gonna say i’m bisexual, loud and proud.

my sexuality has been a topic of major of confusion for me.  sometimes i think i’m lesbian, sometimes i think i’m straight, but i think the reality is that i’m bisexual.

i would say that i lean lesbian though, so 80% of the time i’m into women, but there’s always that 20% of men where i’m just like goddamn.

but if i look at everyone i’ve had feelings for or a crush on, i would say 8/10 times it’s a woman, and 2/10 times it’s a man.

i do feel a lot more emotionally involved with women, maybe because they just come across as more complicated and complex.  men are a little more predictable, and i don’t get nervous around them half as much.

this all might not make sense to you.  trust me, it doesn’t make much sense to me either.  but it’s definitely helpful for me to write it out in an effort to explain it so that i myself can understand it better.  🙂


i dono what to call this. maybe feel-good hormones? or the fuzzies?

i’ve been getting warm fuzzies more frequently than i usually do.  maybe it’s a sign from God?

it’s not always romantically, sometimes it’s just a platonic situation that’s positive and involves genuine human bonding/connection.  it’s really nice though.  maybe it’s God’s subtle way of answering my prayers?  i dono, but i’m glad to see my heart is working, cuz it’s the only one i got.