i wonder if we could rewind time and do this all over again?

(warning guys, i’m just a tad bit salty in this post)


hi you,

i wonder if we could rewind time and do this all over again?  my first instinct is always to blame myself and find the faults in my ways, but nothing is ever a one-way street.  what if we could rewind time back to one and a half years ago, and this time i would say all the right things and know exactly what you wanted from me?  what if i had the answer key this time around?  because not a day passes without me rethinking how it all ended.  was it me?  was it you?  was it the timing?  was it something i said?  was it something i did?  was it something you wanted?  what did you really want anyways?  and what do you want now?  what can i do to change it all?

i’m willing to take the blame.  i’m willing to take the fall.  would you let me at least do that?  time is passing, and every moment that passes, i’m beginning to forget.  i’m scared to forget.  i’m scared to not care.  i’m scared to move on.  do you want me to forget?

i used to think you were built into me to the core of me, like you were the blood flowing through my veins, the breath running through my lungs…like you were completely in my every thought, desire, and dream..like you were somehow biologically, physically, and anatomically a part of me – that we were one system.  that we would change this world together as a team, that you would unconditionally support and inspire me to never stop working at a better life – a better life for everyone..but it’s funny how time changes perspectives though, isn’t it?

you know, i used to see you in pictures and just freeze.  my heart would skip more than just a beat.  i would be straight up paralyzed.  now, i see you, and i just notice the times you don’t look the perfect way i thought you would.  i know that sounds horrible, but no one’s perfect.  i’m just uncomfortable learning your flaws and familiarizing myself with them.  i’m starting to see perfection in others now.  admittedly, you’ll forever be a puzzle to me, but how many times have people walked away from puzzles without finishing them?

if this is a competition to see who’s stronger or who cares more, then fine, you win.  i give up.  you win.  congratulations.

“a little too much” – shawn mendes.



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