a flood of memories

high standardspeople be comin’ at me left and right, but i’ve grown to have very very high standards due to having very very low standards in the past that got me absolutely nowhere.  being selective with how i spend my time and who i spend it with has its ups and downs, of course.  but the bottom line is that it is much healthier.  for now, i wish i could feel more than i think, but these days i overthink everything rather than acting on raw human emotion.  i’m not sure i know how anymore – trauma can be very tricky and stunt my growth.

having to restart with new friends is also difficult, cuz you find yourself having to repeat so many of the same things that won over your past friends.  it’s time and effort, that’s all.

memoriesi’ve suppressed a lot of memories from my toxic relationship in college, but they’re slowly flooding back into my mind.  it’s really weird, cuz most memories are still positive and fond ones although i know it was a really bad relationship.  i think you would agree if i were to list the fact that my ex cheated on me multiple times with a mutual friend of ours, never made time for me, only focused on the physical aspect of our relationship, never paid much attention to me, and never did what i wanted to do.   i think i was just so high off of the drug of approval and acceptance that i became numb to the severe emotional pain and trauma during the actual relationship.  however, due to my incredibly forgiving nature, it is all good now…now i have a better of idea distinguishing right from wrong, and i’m done with the wrong.





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