oh. my. goodness. kill me now before lust is the death of me.

i am in such a mental tornado right now, but i have a ton of stuff to do.  i don’t have time to be processing all these thoughts. and music is such a trigger right now, but i cant avoid it.  a song will come on, and i go from 0-100.  what’s more important right now though?  should i be feeding these sinful demons inside of me? no..it’s not like me, but yeah, that’s what i’m trying to process.  internal conflict to the max.  it was not fun crying myself to sleep last night.  did i actually cry because of lust?  i think i cried about one big missed opportunity and how others can resist lust much better than i can, which leaves me in situations that destroy my self-esteem.

lust has consumed me, and i’m ashamed but processing it.  i mean my thoughts don’t really get too carried away in terms of lust, but it mostly leads me to sadness, disappointment, and anticipation.  is that even considered lust?  i guess it’s a mild, beginning phase of it.  father god, release me and i shall not want.  pray for me please.



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